Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
