i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
