Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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