My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
