After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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