Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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