Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
