I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
