I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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