i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
