great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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