My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
