Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
