So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
