We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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