HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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