Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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