We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
