if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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