oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
