What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
