i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
