im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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