Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
