She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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