2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
