guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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