Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
