he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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