Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
