Yo dont text me then not text me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
