apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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