Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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