he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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