I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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