My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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