I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
