my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
