I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
