why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
