Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
