Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is the high leading the old right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
