I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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