That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
