My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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