well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
