NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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