Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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