I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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