i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
