You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
