the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
