he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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