i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
