Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
