this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
