Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
