Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
