My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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