I wish I only lived at night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
