Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
