you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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