we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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