Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
