dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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