so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
