You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
