I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
